I'm Pregnant!!!

Wow, I am in shock! Here is the BFP story (as I can remember it, which might not be all that well since I am in a daze right now!)...

Our third cycle TTC started the day I went to my Ob/Gyn, who suggested with do infertility testing. I was obviously very disappointed and anxious, but since we couldn't start testing right away, I tried to keep my mind off of IF. We babydanced like usual, but had to go slightly off schedule since we were in Greensboro, NC for a business conference. It was at the hotel in Greensboro that I think we hit the jackpot, so to speak. At about 7 days post ovulation, I had light cramping that almost felt like a little hand grabbing the inside of my abdomen. It was painful, but I definitely felt something. Then for a few days, I felt nothing. All was normal. At about 11DPO, I started to have cramps, was achy, had sore boobs and a headache. Sometime I also started being consitpated...not sure what day it was, but it feels like forever! I was sure AF was on her way. But it's not over until AF shows.

Last night I talked to Matthew about when I should test...I was originally planning to test tomorrow am...the day AF was due. But today at work, I grabbed a test from the lab on a whim. As the test was working, I saw the line appear. At first I don't think it registered. I sat there for a minute and let it sink in. I honestly didn't know how to react at first. So I logged on to the nest and announced my BFP. As everyone started to congratulate me, I thought, "Wow, they are congratulation me because I'm the one who is pregnant!"

Since I wanted to tell M is person, I went to Target on my lunch break to buy a digital and form a plan. I ended up buying a baby card that was blank inside. I wrote to him how excited I was to be starting a family and how excited I am that he will be the father of my children.

The afternoon at work was torturous! I did my best to stay busy and keep my mind occupied - like that was going to happen! To help fill my time, I took another pg test, which was also positive! When I finally left work, I drove him and woke up M, who was sleeping in the car. I gave him the card. He smiled as he read it. This is how he reacted: "Wow, that is awesome!" Such a classic M line! Then I showed him my positive tests. We sat on the couch and talked about our baby and our future.

Then my stomach started growling! Even though I was planning on making spaghetti for dinner, I really wanted pancakes. So we went to IHOP to celebrate!

Today was such a wonderful day. I hope I will never forget it!

Here is the photographic evidence :P

Mind Overload

I feel like I have so much on my mind. Maybe it is just one of those days that I am depressed, but today I feel like I'm a million pounds. My heart is heavy.

1) This infertility stuff. Are we moving too fast? I know that testing will in no way interfere with us still trying to conceive naturally. We will keep trying the good old fashioned way. But since my ob/gyn appt and the mention of IF testing, I have felt very defeated. Like, is all this trying just a joke. So while I appreciate the NP's proactive approach, I don't appreciate the worry that impending IF testing that is now a cloud I can't shake. I was able to FINALLY talk to Clare on the phone last night. We talked for almost 2 hours, it was so great. Because she went through all this stuff before having the twins, I thought talking to her would make me feel less stressed. She talked some about how hard it was to get neg OPKs and neg pg tests, to have to wait to test results, wait to O, etc. I can't stand the thought of being disappointed over and over. It would be one thing to know for certain that someday we will have a baby, but since we don't know, it is just scary. That is why I think I might delay the IF stuff for now. I want to just try and enjoy trying. Of course, if the doc calls me while in my 2ww and says to schedule blood work, I know that I will. If there is something wrong with me, I would rather know now.

2) The business. Gosh, the business. For years we (or more M) have been "doing" the business. I thought that my stepping back and telling M to prove himself would make him try harder. But not so much. We are going to a weekend function tomorrow. I wish we could quit, without being quitters.

3) The credit card situation. We have the money in our account (from the new homebuyers tax credit). Matthew keeps changing the plan...I want to just pay off the damn credit cards. Matthew has a plan about getting a new credit card with 0% financing, and transferring balancing and blah blah blah. It is stressing me out so much. One of the reasons we bought our house when we did was to get the $8,000 and get out of debt!!! GAH!
Actually, when I am reasonable, I can almost see the point of Matthew's convoluted credit card plot, but it still annoys me.

4) I'm sure there are more things that are weighing on me now, but since I can't think of them at the moment, why dwell on what they could be?!

I feel like I should have a closing statement to this post...but I don't know what to say. I guess I should just pray that we do God's Will in all we do.

Beginning an IF Journey...

So I went for my annual this am...
Due to my history (never have been on BC, no positive OPKs, mom with history of IF), my doctor wants to go ahead and start the work-up now, even though we have only been technically trying for 2 cycles. She said the likelyhood of me ovulating every cycle does not look good. She said that since we have not been doing temps with NFP, it is not very reliable (which I knew), so I probably should have gotten KU "by accident" by now.
Obviously, no one ever wants to hear the words "infertility" when talking to their doctor, but I am glad we are going to at least get started on the work-up.
To cheer myself up, I went to starbucks and got a shaken green tea :)

M suggested I research the patron saint of IF, so we can do a novena. There are several saints that I found...but two stood out to me. St. Clare and St. Felicity. Clare and Felicity are both on our (short!) list of girl names we like! Reading this made me feel so much better. I am praying that God's Will be done, and that I can be accepting of whatever it is.

BFN tonight...

So I tested tonight...bfn. Tomorrow I have an appt for an annual at my new ob/gyn. Hope they say everything is good. Then I just have to wait for AF so we can get on to cycle #3.
I'm trying to stay positive, but it's so hard not to be disappointed.

AF shows early/ I love the Steelers

No need to test and see a BFN this cycle. AF showed her ugly face 2 days early. I suppose early is better than late. M has a great attitude. He just said we have another month of fun trying ahead of us. I'm glad he didn't get down like I did. He cheered me up with Chinese food :) We will be using dollar tree OPKs this cycle. I'm trying not to put too much pressure on us, though. All we can do is BD. The rest is up to God!

Matthew took me to the Steeler/Redskin preseason game last night. We had a great adventure. There was flash flooding while we were driving on 495 in crazy traffic. Not fun! I also wore crappy flipflops, so we stopped at Dicks to buy other shoes that gave me ouchy blisters. On the 30 minute walk to the stadium, I went barefoot! Both teams had some great plays that were fun to watch. We managed to keep the mood playful and low-tension, even though we were cheering for opposite teams. I consider myself to be the true fan of the two of us, of course :)
Final score was 17-14 Skins, but the Steelers won the first quarter (what really counts!), so I was still happy.

Where did that hour go?

I accidentally just wasted one whole hour watching "We're Pregnant!" videos on YouTube. One whole hour. And I'm not (that I know of!) pregnant. Can't wait to test on Saturday!

I'm the most impatient person

This is only my first 2ww, and already it is killing me. I think I will probably test at 11 DPO, just because I can't stand it any longer!!!

I need to keep finding things to distract myself.